How much different would it be if everything was just the way we wanted it?

If our partner’s behaviour was as we dream of? If there was no traffic? If we had enough money to do what our hearts desired?

If we were treated exactly as we felt we deserved when shopping or when eating out?

Do we isolate ourselves so we don’t need to interact with others? Because our experiences when interacting with others are marred!

Or do we isolate ourselves for other reasons, for instance; lacking social skills, being impatient with others, not being bothered with others, feeling others aren’t important, not having appetite to be in the company of others, being of a different interest group, others not being interested in what we’re interested in.

Aforementioned being only a few reasons why we’d isolate ourselves!

Do we wish our neighbours were considerate in their behaviour?

To overcome the aforementioned do we veer off and create circumstances so that we’re okay? And only go to shops where we are treated a certain way? We stay in suburbs where we aren’t disturbed or where there is less chance of being disturbed by neighbours or others. Like our security estates.

We go into relationships for security, even one after the other because we’re looking for someone who behaves a certain way or because we can’t be on our own.

Because our relationship doesn’t work, we have a child with the view that’ll help resolve our relationship.

With each of the aforementioned, when looking closely, do we see that we in fact create circumstances to be okay?

Where we’re looking for security from some action? Being at peace from some action? Wanting stability from some action? Wanting things a certain way to satisfy us? Where we’re looking for a partner to satisfy us emotionally and sexually?

Are these actions anything other than about creating circumstances so we’re okay?

In taking a closer look, firstly is it possible to create circumstances to be okay? Secondly, is this okayness long-lasting? Thirdly, are we ever satisfied or is it a continuous process? Where we’re constantly looking for different things or actions to keep us going?

Thereby looking to create some or other circumstance to be okay!
By doing this, can it ever work? The answer of course is no! It can’t work!

We need to recognize and realize – somehow – that we are already okay. And it is a mistaken and unreal belief we have that we’re not okay. We are in fact okay without first needing or getting anything. This is a perception we have that is false. The truth is we are okay. Whether we know it or realize or see it or get it or accept it or not, we are! The converse is a mistaken untrue reality which would serve us well to be shifted away from.

If we realize it and see how we create circumstances to be okay, and we’re caught up in the mistaken and untrue belief that we’re not okay, what are we to do to shift away from it?

Firstly, acknowledge that we want to take charge of our lives, and make the shift to recognize that we’re okay no matter the circumstances.

Acknowledge further that we recognize how we create circumstances to be okay, and even though we don’t know how, we want to shake that behaviour because we recognize we’re okay already.

Acknowledge further that we’ll observe our behaviour as we create circumstances to be okay.

Lastly, acknowledge further that the aforementioned observations are about us caring and wanting to know ourselves better, even if only a little bit at a time.

Emmanuel van der Meulen
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