Our intimate relationships usually run into hurdles after the first few weeks or months.

Usually after what’s known as the honeymoon phase (the initial phase when the relationship is new), things start going awry.


During the honeymoon phase both parties are relaxed and each gets undivided attention from the other. The physical intimacy is uninhibited and for both it’s a feeling of euphoria.

Then after a while, one person or both gets disgruntled, usually about something in the other’s behaviour that offends.

Why is it that we then don’t like what we experience? It affects us. Then because we don’t like their behaviour we set out to change them. And this is the start of the blockages in the relationship. And the hurdles come one after the other. And the relationship which at first worked stops working.

On the one hand the relationship worked. Then we see behaviour we’d rather not have, and the relationship, like all those before it, is at the risk of coming to an end.

We might be undecided, for whatever reason, in undertaking life awareness coaching – we might not have the funds, we might be in denial, we might not see the facts as they are or we might still be angry and desperately unhappy.

What are we to do in the meantime?

These points are important:

1. Acknowledge that hurdles exist. That we want our partner to change their behaviour; that while we were in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, we overlooked the offending behaviour. It doesn’t matter why. Merely acknowledge the aforementioned.

2. Acknowledge further that the hurdles make us desperately unhappy. It makes us unhappy enough to become angry, irritable, frustrated and even leave the relationship.

Further important ones:

3. Acknowledge further that we need our partner to behave in a certain way so we are okay. Take note, we might even have told a friend or colleague or family member about our partner’s behaviour.

4. Acknowledge further that we have no inkling of the dynamics at play, but we recognize that our partner’s behaviour whether favourable or not should not result in us being okay or not. The reality is that we should be okay, already, either way, irrespective of what transpires in our lives. We might not accept this assertion, or know how to live in such a way, yet at least as a start acknowledge the dynamic.

Emmanuel van der Meulen
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