I was asked to ‘Take a Closer Look‘ at self-confidence again.

Let’s look at self-confidence from another stance.

Our quality of life is directly coupled to our self-confidence.

Being okay within ourselves means; not needing to change or create or manipulate our circumstances, thus being okay without first needing anything whatsoever.

By example: We’re in a relationship. Our partner behaves in a certain way that doesn’t suit us. Let’s look carefully at that and dissect it.

Consider these:

We could leave the relationship.

We could take a stance that the other person needs to change.

We could put forward that we and our partner work out a compromise.

We could, to keep the peace, accept their behaviour.

Alas, when looking at above they’re based on lacking self-confidence. Threaded into each of the above is altering the circumstances so we’re okay.

And that is not about confidence.

Let’s ‘Take a Closer Look‘ at another possibility.

Do we have the courage to recognise that when we’re okay within ourselves we’ll accept the behaviour of our partner no matter what their behaviour is? Not as a gesture to hold the peace, but because we’re at peace.

Thereby automatically experiencing ourselves and our partner in an unaltered state and how our lives flow naturally.

We could challenge this by saying, what if the behaviour of our partner does not suit us?

Then an important question is:  Are we in an appropriate relationship?

Let’s dissect the situation where we find ourselves in a relationship where our partner’s behaviour does not suit us. Let’s look carefully at why we are in the relationship. For e.g., to satisfy some need; we don’t want to fail, we are co-dependent, we’re looking for security, we need to please someone, we’re too old to break it off, originally to experience sex. Aforementioned are based on needs. Thus, without the relationship we’d feel our lives are lacking. Thus we’re taking from the relationship. And when it doesn’t deliver on our needs, things start going awry and we want to change our partner. Or we want to get out, though repeatedly we get into similar inappropriate relationships.

When looking at the converse: When being in a relationship where we want to be with our partner and where our partner also wants to be with us, without it being based on some need, we’re there to experience the other person as they are – with no need arising for them to change. In such a relationship we give to the relationship. Thus it grows – we grow – and we’re at peace.

To measure ourselves, like whether a decision was good or not, whether a choice we made was good or not:  to use another example, when getting a certain job makes our decision to apply for it good and not getting it makes us not good: The measuring of ourselves in being ‘good’ or not, or worthy or not, is not what being okay is about.

Irrespective of our decision, irrespective of the outcome of the job application, we are already okay.

Yet we continuously measure and judge ourselves to determine whether we are okay.

That measuring and judging of ourselves is about a lack of self-confidence.

Standing up for ourselves means being at peace! No matter what! And about being at peace and accepting ourselves. Nothing is required. Nothing needs to be done. We do what we do because we’re at peace.

No matter which events the circumstances hand out, we’re at peace. That is self-confidence.

What are we to do if this is not the case in our lives and we are not ready to begin the journey to our optimal lives?

Acknowledge that our inner peace is affected by what the circumstances hand to us.

Acknowledge further that we desire to be okay and have inner peace no matter what.

Acknowledge further that any non-peace we experience, rather than fighting or denying it, that even though we don’t know exactly how – we accept that somehow we create that non-peace.

Acknowledge further that we want to achieve self-confidence and thereby enable the quality of life we yearn for.

Emmanuel van der Meulen
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